Comments on: Getting Pregnant in Japan – Part Three: Handy Internet Bookmarks

By: thinkingcrowd

thinkingcrowd — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 12:58:07 +0000

Red, I’ve got a one year old little girl who is the apple of my eye. But, I was a bit taken aback by a few things about having her here in Japan.

One, your wife will most likely (95%) not be offered anesthesia no matter how much pain. Sucks to be her, eh?

Two, your in-laws and extended family will expect you to keep working and have your wife go live with them for the first month or more. From my random polls this expectation seems to be stronger for country folk than city folk. I was having no part of this tradition as the in-laws live 2.5 hours away and there was some tension with grandma because of my refusal to follow this notion.

Three, your bed will get smaller with three in it instead of two (especially hard for big guys like me). I definitely don’t get as much sleep as I did prior to baby-hood.

Four, your mother-in-law will have some odd and definitely un-scientific opinions about things you’d never anticipate. My mom-in-law has some great qualities but she constantly keeps covering up our daughter no matter how hot the temperatures are. Even when the temps are 25-40 C she will put towels or jackets on our little girl to defend her from getting a cold. As is natural in such situations, my daughter sweats profusely leading to daddy loudly complaining…. And, so it goes in one form or another whenever we’re together. Now that our daughter is a year old it’s definitely eased up but still hangs out there.

Five, be aware that vacations or trips together have been changed forever. You’ll be saying things like “what kind of child’s menu do they have?” or “that restaurant doesn’t have baby seats” or “she’s looking tired maybe we’d better put her to bed (at 8:00 at night)” or “we should schedule our flight to arrive earlier so we can put her to bed at a decent hour” or “um, do we have to breast-feed here?” and so on… Nothing huge but taken together definitely doesn’t free you up for a nice late night on the town with the wife.

Six, be aware that some of the weird cultural/moral idisyncracies that us gaijin notice in the Japanese education system are begun even at the earliest of ages. For instance, the whole military style standing at attention will be taught to your children at daycare and kindergarten. In fact, women who stay home with their kids will almost default to sending their kids to daycare even though they could keep them home. I think it’s a low self-esteem issue as they don’t think they can teach their kids well so they’d better hand them over to the “professionals”. Of course, there will also be the different methods of discipline debate but that happens anywhwere.

Well, hope that provides some grist for the discussion mill. Love to hear about others’ experiences on these topics…

By: SallyA

SallyA — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 11:40:14 +0000

I think this site is more relevant for gaijin Mums (than Dads) in Japan:

Tokyo Pregnancy Group

They have regular meetings for future Mums in Tokyo and also invite speakers, like Brett Iimura from CEC (link) to come and speak. The site also has information on which ob/gyns speak English.

By: tony

tony — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 03:14:04 +0000

Completely agree with Satuma-Jill and Gourmet. Half is an appalling term – far worse than gaijin in my opinion. It ought to be as unacceptable as the English “half-caste”. What about the term “mikusu” (mix), which I’ve heard occasionally?

By: Mr. Mori

Mr. Mori — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 23:53:45 +0000

If you are pregnant or have young kids in Japan then there is only one place to go shopping. You must check out Akachan Honpo (link) Nishimatsuya Chain isn’t bad either but we swear by the Honpo.

By: Satsuma-Jill

Satsuma-Jill — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 02:35:37 +0000

That’s an interesting site, Gourmet. One of my professors at University did a lot of study into the social problems that children of mixed marriages face. He talked alot about the mental damage that calling someone a “half” can have. That site just sums it up. It is quite eye opening to read the words of actual children in that situation. I really can’t understand parents who call their own children “half.” I hope that I never do that when I have mine.

By: japan » Blog Archive » Getting Pregnant in Japan - Part Three: Handy Internet Bookmarks

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 02:47:32 +0000

[...] This is the third installment in a series about my personal experience of being pregnant in Japan (or perhaps I should say, of my wife being pregnant). Although I hope that some of the observations have value for gaijin of both sexes, … …more [...]

By: Gourmet in Washington

Gourmet in Washington — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 06:32:18 +0000

It might not be quite the kind of page that you’re talking about but I came across a site a couple of months ago that might be of interest to you.

kreuzungsstelle

It’s a site with a bunch of essays written by “half” children out there. Everyone is always too keen to have an opinion about the topic (you know the old “shouldn’t they be called “doubles” because they have the best of both worlds?”) but it is rare that you actually get the chance to hear what the actual children in international marriages (like yours) themselves think about the whole fuss. This page has a bunch of essays from them. Red, how worried are you about bringing up a “half” in Japan?

There are also a bunch of essays on what it is like to be a gaijin in Japan which are a good read (and a refreshing perspective).