Getting HIV in Japan – A True Story

Dancing jgirlsA friend of mine living here in Japan wrote this to me yesterday. Read it right to the end. It will chill you to the bone. You won’t be disappointed, and may even rethink a few things in your own life, or maybe make a different New Year’s resolution than the one you had in mind.


Well it’s coming up on another year here in Japan; hard to believe seven or eight years have gone by already. 2006 was a great year as was 1999-2005 here in Tokyo. I’ve got a great life here. Great friends, great job, great fiancée (oh yeah I got engaged to Kyoko last month in Italy) and low-stress which is key to having a great life! Tokyo continues to be a fabulous city. Sure it lacks in architectural finesse (I suspect it was much cooler looking before the Yanks burned it to a cinder 60 years back), but it more than makes up for it in entertainment opportunities, quality of life and the bizarre. Where else can you have thousands of people lining up for the opening day of Japan’s debut of Krispy Kreme!? There are already two huge chains of donut shops in Japan. Why another? And this one is even more fattening! Or canned oden (Japanese chunky soup) from a vending machine- a camera crew and a snaking line 20 people deep waiting for their turn at the machine (these people are so patient!), or a 500-person Japanese orgy flick that is circling the internet (not one of them wearing a condom). I wasn’t in it! Next time.

This past weekend Kyoko and I took the Shinkansen (bullet train) for about 4 hours southwest of Tokyo to Fukuyama, near Hiroshima. We were visiting Kyoko’s family (also visited some of the dead relatives’ graves) whom I have met on a number of occasions, and to meet the father’s side of the family whom I hadn’t met before. Our first stop was at one of her uncles’ house. The Japanese tend to really take to foreigners for the most part and are quite accommodating to them in their homes. We all hit it off right away and had an enjoyable time. Prior to eating, Kyoko prayed in front of the family’s Buddhist shrine (仏壇, butsudan) where the deceased members of the immediate family are honored. These shrines are found in most Japanese homes and are incredibly beautiful, ornate fixtures that are often built into the wall like a niche. There is usually some fresh fruit offered up for their souls and in this case a couple of large red and green apples and a pack of OREOS sat on a metal tray which really got my mouth watering. We had an enormous feast. Temaki zushi, which is kind of a Japanese burrito minus the beans and gas; basically sashimi (raw fish) that you roll into a sheet of dried seaweed along with rice and maybe some salmon eggs, sprouts, etc. also had oden atsukan (which is HOT sake – by the way the bad quality sake is usually heated up) and all kinds of other goodies.

MotownI was seated next to Kyoko’s uncle whose name escapes me… we’ll call him Jessie. Simple man, has a farm that he tends, filthy fingernails, (his thumbnails looked like small inverted teaspoons absolutely caked with dried dirt from the garden) a dog tied-up in the front with muddy paws and mine-like excrement piles surrounding his limited tether (I’m assuming this was the dog’s excrement and not Uncle Jessie’s, after all he is pretty outdoorsy), a wife and three grown children, and two grand children that he just can’t get enough of. Crazy about his grandkids! For some things there just aren’t any cultural divides. Oh and he wouldn’t be seated at my mother’s table thats for sure! We immediately became drinking buddies and I could hardly get one gulp of atsukan down before he filled my glass back up. Granted, sake glasses are thimble-sized but nonetheless it was always spilling over the edge. The more he drank the funnier he got and the more embarrassed his wife looked. But I thought it was great. It was a very memorable time with my future in-laws (wow that gives me the chills) and after we said our goodbyes we were off to see MORE relatives…dead and alive. Basically the entire day was spent going from house to house to grave to rest home making introductions, offering up prayers for dead folks I’ve only seen black and white photos of, and chatting.

Gaijin BarTowards the end of the day while in the car I received an e-mail on my phone from an old girlfriend from a few years ago. We’ll call her Keiko. Scratch that, that’s her real name, uh… Kumiko. It was a short message. ‘Hi how have you been?’ I hadn’t heard from her in probably a year and a half or so; we occasionally mail one another to touch base. I wrote back with my regards. And then she wrote back again with a message that rattled my inner core. ‘I have really bad news, I’m 6 months pregnant and I found out I have HIV’. This can’t be real I thought. I mean Kumiko is an office lady who is 26, educated, barely drinks alcohol let alone take drugs, and doesn’t sleep around. She has only had a handful of boyfriends with whom she was monogamous while she dated them. She doesn’t fit the profile. She said she was trying to determine where she got infected. I then began to fear the worst. My God, I might have it. We didn’t always practice safe sex, in fact I think we rarely did. She then said she’s already checked with her other boyfriends who all said they were tested and are HIV negative. I’d never had a test before. It was this that really made me take pause. I could be the carrier of this death-wish.

I had a very difficult time maintaining my composure for the remainder of the weekend. I continued to e-mail Kumiko for the next day trading information about her current boyfriend, who is the father of her unborn baby, and as to whether or not he has it. He doesn’t. Basically I was the only link missing from the ‘who’s got it?’ I was a mess. In my mind, life as I knew it was done, finished, in the 9th inning with 2 strikes 2 outs. My first thought was Kyoko and how could I tell her I have HIV/AIDS. This would end our marriage plans for sure. Then my mom – that would absolutely break her heart. Then the thought of calling the other old girlfriends and telling them they may have been exposed was horrifying. Then me. Lifespan with the currently available drugs for treating HIV is 24 years. From the time of infection. So that would mean I have a max of 20 years left on big blue, if I contracted this evil from Kumiko 4 years ago. I started to rethink my life’s direction. Nothing had value in my eyes anymore. Everything was superfluous. I started to think about the horrific images we’ve all seen of people dying of AIDS. Skeletal, gaunt. I couldn’t sleep at night and had the sweats and shakes. Literally every waking moment whether I was teaching a class or narrating a job, it has been at the forefront of my thoughts. We all have to die but this just wasn’t in the cards for me, I thought. George has AIDS. Mortifying! I didn’t like the ring of that one bit. I imagined myself having to clarify every time someone learned about my illness that I’m NOT gay and I’m NOT a drug-user. I got AIDS from unsafe heterosexual sex. I envied some of the people I saw on the street. A young mother with her young children in the supermarket; I’m sure she’s safe. Kids playing in a field near my apartment; they don’t know how lucky they are. But I also thought, jeez they could be HIV positive too. AIDS in JapanI went to a Catholic church that is on my way home from work on Monday evening and prayed like there literally was no tomorrow. This went on for a couple of days (not the praying but the fear of God) until I could get an appointment to see a doctor yesterday, the 19th Dec. I went to an English-speaking clinic here in Tokyo which I usually visit for other life-threatening illnesses like the common cold and having stitches removed. I had an HIV test done and I figured as long as I was there and as long as the needle was in my arm (which by the way this was the first time I didn’t get light-headed or completely faint from a blood test) I may as well get some more blood drawn and have some other general check-up tests done as well. Never thought it would come to the tune of 50,000 yen! There are free AIDS clinics in town but the wait (one or two weeks) I think would’ve killed me. These results were promised in 24 hours. After the tests were all done I left the clinic and my blood and fate was in God’s hands. I told a friend I hope He (God) switches mine with some nun… certainly not a priest!!

The past 24 hours have been nerve-wracking as you can imagine. I’ve been absolutely on pins and needles. The doctor told me to give him a call after 4 which I did at precisely 4:00:01. The call was transfered to him and he didn’t even say hello, all he said was ‘the test is NEGATIVE.’ He knew how anxious I was about this. I could’ve hugged him. Or at least bought him tea and crumpets. An enormous weight was lifted from my shoulders. I never felt the word negative could in fact be so POSITIVE!

I immediately called Kyoko and told her the good news. She knew I had an AIDS test which I told her was just a ‘routine check, nothing to worry about.’ She doesn’t know yet just how afraid I was, or the REAL reason for the test. I’ll tell her tonight. I also mailed Kumiko. She asked that I not call her because she cries on the phone when she talks about her terrible predicament. She was relieved to hear the news. She has since pinpointed who she believes gave her the disease and has yet to hear back from him. He also is a foreigner living here in Japan. Perhaps he doesn’t know he has it? Perhaps he refuses to get checked for fear of learning he has it. Kumiko is also being rejected by her boyfriend now. They planned to marry after she got pregnant, that was until a month ago when she got the bad news from her doctor. He doesn’t want anything to do with her now that she’s been diagnosed with HIV. She told me that she will give birth to the baby and live in Tokyo for a year before moving back to her hometown to live with her father. She said ‘what about my life?’ I wish I had an answer for her. I told her to focus on the beautiful baby that she will have in a few months and that will help relieve her of the other pain.

Japan. It’s a beautiful place. The people are beautiful and kind and some of the most generous folks I’ve ever met. But these past few days have jaded me a bit. I used to think of Japan as a special place where the evils are forbidden from entering. A playground where you can laugh and sing and play along with life in a carefree and careless way – a Disneyland as such. It’s not that way. And I learned this in a very personal and frightening way. This has been an INCREDIBLY valuable lesson for me and should be for anyone who takes the time to read this. Sorry, I know it’s long but it’s important that we realize just how real HIV/AIDS is! We read about it in the papers. We see it on TV, but folks, this is mainstream. If Kumiko can get it so can I and you and your children and anyone who doesn’t practice safe sex! PERIOD! Take heed people. Please feel free to send this on to anyone you feel would benefit from it.

Oh and I almost forgot… Happy Holidays! Stay safe.

61 thoughts on “Getting HIV in Japan – A True Story”

  1. stilldown420, Yes I have heard about people with AIDS who are HIV negative. I have listened to a young woman who has CFS( Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) Low Cd4 count and yet HIV negative. Her and Her boyfriend are both suffering with the same mysterious illness. Moreover, the AIDS establishment is hush-hush about the condition and very few people aware of the fact there are thousands and thousands of people living with AIDS, who are HIV negative. If you google AIDS CFS patients, you will find a lot of articles on the matter and quite few blogs of people living with the condition. I am not a doctor and cannot tell you what causes your penile discoloration, good think you are STD’s free. But google the pictures of penile genital herpes. Not all herpes lesions are equal. Your facial HSV does not exclude you from having genital herpes as well.
    I hope the mysterious lesion will be identified soon. Take care.

  2. irishadobraja, yes I knew someone with CFS it was very difficult for their entire family to deal with. Some people think it is not real but it is no joke, it ruins peoples lives. Unfortunately I know what you are talking about and this is more common than most people would imagine. I did look on google and I did not find exactly the same thing I am dealing with and the drs. I saw are not sure either, a few have said a form of psoriasis or ezcema, but I have never had this symptom before my sexual encounter. My tests are negative but I do not know certainly that I am std or infection free. In fact I fear I have caught HPV or something else despite my negative tests, maybe it is germ warfare….

  3. How did none of the people who had repeated unprotected intercourse with her contract it???!

  4. @Rosebud

    While the story might be a work of fiction, it’s entirely possibly to have unprotected sex for several years with someone without contracting the disease even if they are positive. HIV is actually a very fragile virus that’s difficult to transmit and not every sexual encounter leads to infection. There are many cases of this situation happening in serodiscordant couples so it would definitely pay for some people to educate themselves. I’m not saying take your chances and have unprotected sex with people of an unknown status or those known to be infected, but ignorance of facts and misinformation breeds fear and stimga–something this virus doesn’t need more of!

  5. The real truth here is that you can have hiv anti-bodies from exposure and still test negative. You can even test negative for years, then one day when your 40s and you test again you could be positive years after exposure. (The human body when young can suppress exposure to HIV, often from 10 to 12 years) this is why most people are learning about HIV infection later in life. You might have been exposed 10 years ago and as long as your bodies immune system is active enough you will not test positive. But there is a lot more to this disease than most people know, many people know nothing about the truth of this disease and on top of that many doctors have no understanding of what it means to be into what amounts to remission of HIV. The new medications can create a situation where even someone who is positive and medicated will test negative for HIV. You would find it quite difficult to actually contract HIV from someone that is undetectable. Outside of direct blood infusion, which statistically speaking is nearly impossible unless someone intentionally set out to transmit the virus. Even then the receptive partner would have to already have an existing immune issue or a suppressed immune system due to excessive drug use. Over all, as long as you take medication, your not going to transmit it, because it is a controlled situation, most people do not understand that and likely would not believe it is true because of misconceptions and even superstition. (In Japan superstition is a real thing)

    In America it is the same way, people are afraid, they are afraid of ghosts and they are superstitious, even the CDC does not publish the true rates of infection or the true numbers of people who are infected. they were caught cooking the books a few years ago when they stated that the rate of new infections was 50,000 the actual number was 55,576 to 62,354 new cases each year, but they never corrected the numbers they published, it was a big scandal. This Scandal continues now and it is reflected in false numbers being published in an effort to show that they are winning the war on HIV/Aides, but the truth is much different. (the good news is it is treatable) there is not yet a cure but with proper medications and life style changes, you can live a mostly normal life, unless you tell everyone you know in which case you will find yourself with no friends and even your family will cease to contact you. It is all about fear of the unknown and most people do not even want to become educated. As long as this charade continues the fear and the isolation from society will continue. It is the fear of isolation that prevents most people from getting tested in the first place. So they continue to infect more people that is why the numbers keep going up and up and up . . .

  6. Thomas, you’re making shit up. Hiv rna test are considered conclusive by countless doctors because it actually your genetic material for hiv.

  7. Many biologistsdont believe that HIV exsists rather its an existing genetic condition. How do you explain the prevalence of HIV on the African continent. If a person is tested in France positive for HIV abd tested in Australia he will be teated negative using different test methodologies.
    Its more the drugs used for treating the diesease that are killing people

  8. This is my story. Maybe one in a kind and maybe that makes me the unluckiest person in the world, or i’m just exagerating but at least it will help you to be aware of japanese people… because they are the most naive people in the world in terms of HIV and STDs, and not only because of my story but also because of many other stories i was told and i know. To me, I believe more than 50% of HIV infected people in Japan don’t know they have it, it is a ridiculous enormous number that I’m guessing through many discussions i had.
    One evening i went to a restaurant to enjoy a meal. There i met a japanese woman. Age 36. I’m 33. I was not looking for anything, however destiny behaves in weird ways. We had a nice chat where she told me she was divorced and how her ex-husband didn’t touch her for years. Well, this is normal, it was not the first time hearing this, in fact, it is the number #1 cause of divorces in Japan. Lame society. To me it was a beautiful evening where i showed my support telling her that she is beautiful and she will find a new partner. She was feeling depressed i think because her sister had kids and she was miserably alone and divorced at 36 (knowing that in Japan that’s considered like 46 in the west). In the end when the meal finished and we left to move apart after exchanging Line accounts, she hold my hand telling me that i was a good person and addding some basic words of flirting in the japanese way. i hugged her to show support and she kissed me. Here is the point, i did not want to kiss her so i can say this is the lamest kiss i’ve had in my life. That day (or maybe the day before), i woke up with a gum above my teeth, a small red spot associated to gingivitis. Unluckily this girl wanted to kiss and she even tried to put her tongue inside. I moved aside but for fun I proposed her to go to the hotel to have sex (Did i want to? No! I just said to check her reaction).. She said i want to but i have my period, though i can give you a blowjob. Can you do it here i asked? (again, just to test how naive a japanese woman can be) She said yes and since we were in a dark street she pulled herself down and waited for me to open my pants and give her my dick. Did I? No, i just laughed at how this woman was. I already discussed with other friends about how they can be, so this was not new, i was aware that in japan these girls can give you a blowjob without paying attention to STDs. I pulled her up and told her to meet some other time, and that was it. One week later i started having throat issues. I would have never thought of that simple kiss as the cause therefore i associated it to the winter period. Oh gosh! everybody was sneezing, in metros, in offices, everywhere, to date i’m impressed of how sick this people can become in winter time. I never saw such a thing in other countries, that’s why here in japan they use masks to cover their mouth and nose, i believe it is because they get sick easily . At some point i felt disgusted of everybody coughing and sneezing but because of this is that i thought i was getting sick also. Eventually a week later i was feeling really really bad and i went to the doctor and was diagnosed with tonsillitis and pharyngitis. I got some medicines and to note guys, i never ever in my life had tonsillitis. I freaked out but ok because everybody was sneezing almost on my face i thought it was japan’s fault. 3 weeks later tonsillitis was gone but i was still with pharyngitis. Unluckily for my girlfriend, she visited me in this period. You may say, you cheated on her? I did not, it was never my intention to kiss a girl and it was not even a proper kiss, my mistake was not telling my gf of this incident but who on earth would think a simple non-kiss-kiss will bring a nightmare to my life. Eventually, at home my girlfriend gave me a blowjob and got sick a week later. Until then I was ok but my gf being sick made me freak out 10 times more, because i did not kiss my gf while being sick so she got it either through the air or through my penis. though, the blowjob lasted for 10 seconds or so and happened only once. She did it just to put the condom. 30 days later i was still having pharyngitis and doctors were telling me is the season and allergies… i would be happy with such an answer but my gf being sick and having a soar throat made me think these doctors were not right. So 40 days later i started doing several tests to find out what it was. My gf didn’t mind because for her it was a common flu she was starting to have. First i put in the equation bacterias and viruses in winter period such as influenza, adenovirus, strep, etc. and all was negative. This is the time that i contacted the japanese woman through Line (i was not planning to see her again because i felt she was under some sort of weak mental equilibrium due to not having kids yet and being divorced and not finding the right partner). I asked her “hey did you have any sort of flu this season” and she said no, this season i’m fine. Then through some tricky questions i found she had a sexual encounter with some 24 years old japanese guy before meeting me. I don’t know exactly when but i bet it was as much few weeks before meeting me because she was ashamed to reveal the date. This is were i freaked out 100 times more because i remembered my gingivitis and she being ok to give me a blowjob without condom. At this point i thought of a disease transmitted through my mouth direclty by her saliva. Here is while reading that i noticed gonorrhea and chalmydia can be transmitted through the mouth and stay in the throat. So i checked for this instantly and it was negative. In the end doctors said it is a virus, it is impossible to be a bacteria because your throat is red only and you have no sign of infection. So now i became 1000 times more worried and at day 40 i did an hiv test and it was negative also. According to the doctor, 40 days after exposure gives you a 90% certitude that you are fine. Notice that at this point my girlfriend was still sick and worse than me because, let’s say, her symptoms came 2 weeks after me. I was already feeling somehow ok, just a mild pharygintis with dry coughing from time to time which is not normal on me. At day 50 i told this japanese girl that i’m afraid, and she was still telling me that she doesn’t have throat issues. So I replied to her: “hey the doctor says i should check for HIV because they find nothing and that’s the last option, i want to know if you have done HIV test and the outcome” and she replied: “but i’m fine, if i don’t have throat symptoms then i have nothing right?” That was her stupid answer, eventually she never tested for HIV but told me that she got tonsillitis 3 years back and it was a nightmare. I was trying to get ideas of how naive this woman was. I asked her: “do you know you can get hiv from a blowjob? I’m worried of you because you dared to do it with me but i refused” and she again said: “i have no symptoms of anything so i’m fine” and blocked me. lol. That was the last time we talked. I would be peace of mind if it is not for my girlfriend being sick still for 1.5 month and I still have pharyngitis for 2 months. She went to the doctor and nothing was found, no virus, no bacterias. Of course nobody thinks of HIV. I’m the only one freaking out. At day 57 i did a second HIV test and it came back negative. But the doctor was funny enough to say 90 days is conclusive, this is just 80% (was a different clinic, the previous test was a 4th generation, and i think this second one was a 3rd generation because probability factors are lower). I’m planning to repeat the test at day 65 with a 4th generation. I feel crap because 1) i did not have sex 2) i did not even planned to kiss, 3) i had gingivitis on that stupid day. 4) When i asked the japanese girl if she had an injury in her mouth on that day she never replied 5) she was capable of giving me a blowjob so likely she has done it before with many others 6) my girlfriend is sick 7) pharyngitis doesn’t go away and 2 months have already passed. And you may think: “oh well, but maybe you were infected before”. Impossible. Before, my mouth was closed even for the air and my penis even more. In fact, i don’t have sex with another woman, except my girlfriend, in like 3 years, and eventually i did HIV tests in the past. Also i got infected a week later after that kiss, and my girlfriend got infected a week later after a 10 seconds blowjob. Does it look like the most unluckiest story ever :/ Be aware of japanese girls please, specially if they are naive as the one i met. On the other hand if I’m HIV negative i will still wonder what on earth i got? what f. japanese virus i got? Why no test has given me an answer and the only test left is HIV? Why everybody coughs in japan? Why 30% has strong acne issues in Japan? If it is not HIV what i got, I have no idea what it could be as i tested for many viruses and all are negative, and allergies cannot be because my girlfriend got sick also…I’m sad guys, my life may change in the next 10 days, i hope i get a second chance because i strongly believe that +50% of infected people in Japan don’t know they have HIV so there is a high risk of getting something here when you meet a naive person like the one i met. I also red that in the HIV window period you become extremely contagious so that explains why a 10 seconds blowjob can make someone else sick. As i said, even a woderful result will keep me down because i won’t know what it is, likely an unknown virus gotten here in japan, one that nobody is paying attention to..and that sucks as much as the the first one. I hope this story have a beautiful end..but at least those who read be aware of naive japanese people, they truly need a lot of education in sex issues.

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